Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
even my farts smell like vagina
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize