why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
