Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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