Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Send help, water and tortillas.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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