his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
