my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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