If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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