My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
