i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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