eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
