): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
