Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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