I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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