is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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