belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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