yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
