Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
