batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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