The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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