I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Someone shattered a urinal.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
