You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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