On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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