epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
