That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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