is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need a beard to bite.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
