Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
