I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
