My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
