talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
