you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
