Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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