never play flip cup with pint glasses
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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