they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
