I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
