I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
