Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize