i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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