i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
