Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
