Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
