my vag is so smooth its legendary
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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