his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dicks are not precious.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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