nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
