dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
