Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He shit in the fireplace
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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