I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
