4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize