Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
