his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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