The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
