If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
