When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
