i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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