can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
