i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
