i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
