Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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