I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
