woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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