he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
