Where is the hickey?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
