If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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