Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
