I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
