Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
