I think I died a long time ago.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
