Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
