Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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