dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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