JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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