I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
