I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
