Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
