He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
