me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
