They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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