I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
50% drunk capacity currently
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
