cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
