I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He shit in the fireplace
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
